2 o'clock in the am

I woke up this morning about 2 am. I wasn't too surprised since I had slept yesterday after working all weekend. Problem is I have to go to a workshop soon and then take a nap and work for two more nights.

When I wake up, i start to think. First I think about nursing, my job-- how I did, how I'm doing, what I should have done differently, making connections in my head with their disease and care. Then I start to move, I start to try to talk with God, it's a slow process. Well, me talking isn't so slow, but me being open and getting to my heart issues that He cares about is slow. I think about Him and how my relationship with Him relates to my job. In how I am or am not treating/caring for my patients. How I may have gossiped or somplained about a patient, and that isn't what He would do. Then I begin to think about the rest of life. B/c when I work three days in a row, I don't think about much else than work. So my thoughts go around to different places.

Then I really would love to go back to sleep, even for 2 more hours before getting up for my workshop. But no, try as I may to get my mind clear, it goes back to nursing.

So I'm awake now. My car is failing. I'm in a new city where I have some new friends, but I'm so focused on work b/c work is so hard for me right now, that sometimes I feel like I don't do much else. Nashville is great, I should put some pretty pictures up, but it's still new. And I'm still figuring out what my life here looks like. How long is that usually supposed to take? Oh well. I want to volunteer at some places, but one place isn't calling me back. So maybe I'll move on. I want to think about more than justnursing all the time, maybe it will come.

But I am thankful. I'm thankful for a job, for a city, for an apartment, for my life, for my friends, for fellow believeers in Christ I have met. But I still want more sometimes. I still think maybe it should look different.  And then He reminds me that the world and no one else sets up what my life should look like. He sets it up. I set it up. It may look different from someone elses's, but that's okay. I just need to remember to be okay with it. Off to drink my cup of coffee....